Tomorrow is Parker’s last day of preschool and Bailey’s last day of first grade. I’m not super emotional YET but only because I think I’m just super excited! Bailey just loves school more and more each year and I have no doubt next year will be just as good and PJ, well, she is SO ready for Kindergarten! That kid is going to LOVE school I think and I am thrilled for her. I’m also excited for summer because that is the season the Allen family thrives. Chris and I are both home a ton and for the first time since school/coaching started in August we’re together as a family a lot. It’s so amazing I can’t even describe it.

But pulling out of school today I noticed Bails was pretty quiet. And just sort of zoned out. That kid has such a huge heart and is already worrying she will miss Mrs. Eaton too much over the summer, that she’s not going to see her friends enough and that she might not get the teacher she’s absolutely in love with. Her little brain was on overdrive on the way home as she thought about tomorrow being her last day of first grade. I quietly pulled the car to a stop sign and with no one behind me I quickly grabbed my camera, turned and shot before she knew what was happening.

The last month or so it’s been a struggle for me to pick up my camera at home but I am SO glad I had it in the car with me today because for the first time, in a long time, I just HAD to capture this moment. My baby girl still looking little to me while big ideas and hopes and fears and dreams swirl through her head after a long day at school. Her hair in a knot like her momma (at her request mind you) with her whispy pieces curling around her face. The sweet dimple in her ear I loved when she was an infant and her high forehead just like mine.

I love this kid and everything she brings with her to my world. God has blessed us three times, right in a row and as they get bigger and bigger I’m finding myself more and more thankful. What a gift it is to be a parent. To love these kids with everything we have. To give to them and teach them and nurture them and just love on them until we send them out into the world to see what they can do. Leaving first grade a stronger reader, a better friend and an overall amazing kid is such a tiny piece of what she’ll do in her life. I can’t wait to sit back and enjoy the rest of the ride with her!

About a month ago I started making some changes. But before I tell you about them let me fill you in on how my life ran prior to about 4-5 weeks ago.

Chris and I got married in September of 2004 and moved to Spokane, WA where I got hired to coach the Gonzaga Women’s Lacrosse Team (it was club but it was at the college level and pretty competitive). Unexpectedly I got pregnant with Bailey in October so by the time my season of coaching was over I was 8 months pregnant. Coaching and hugely pregnant was NOT easy! BUT throughout my pregnancy I ran with my team, worked out and was super active because when you’re in and around athletics all the time you want to be fit.

Then I had Bailey, I quit coaching, I got pregnant with Parker, we moved home, Parker was born, I got pregnant with Gray and well… I stopped working out, stopped running and started doing what I needed to survive with three babies super close together. For me that meant a crap load of caffeine. And I really only like fountain soda so multiple times a day I was driving to QT for a soda or begging Chris to go get me one. For about five years I was averaging 3-5 hours of sleep a night between three kids and pregnancies and nursing and work. Because of course right in-between Parker and Grayson I started my photography business and would stay up all hours of the night editing.

My habit was one of necessity and I am not ashamed of it at all. For the most part I don’t think you could tell I was running on fumes, I wasn’t super grumpy and I handled my no sleep better than I think most people could. But the constant caffeine and sugar rush those Mountain Dews were giving me certainly helped!

In the last year since we bought our house (it’ll be one year at the end of June! I can’t believe it!) my life started to even out. Grayson was out of diapers, the kids all sleep through the night mostly (illness, potty, etc. gets them up occasionally still of course), we were settled, etc. But since I was working two jobs I was still needing to stay up pretty late editing/emailing/blogging/etc. for Fresh Art. In April when I stopped working for my parents that all changed too. Suddenly I had daylight hours to devote to edits and running my business. And just a week or so in I realized that it was FINALLY time to start thinking about myself again. Because for the first time in years (probably 6 years) I had TIME to think about myself!

The first thing that needed to change was my soda in-take. It was extreme and after LOTS of encouraging pushing from my friend, Lyndsay, I knew it was horrible for me. But going cold turkey NEVER worked in the past so I wanted to try something different. I knew my habit wasn’t just the soda, it was the actual task of going to QT every day. My car would just drive there sometimes without me even thinking much about it! So for one week I went to QT every day but only once and I got iced tea/soda. Then for two weeks I stopped going to QT but allowed myself can soda at home. Then a little over a week ago I went caffeine free completely. I got a green tea yesterday and if we eat out I order iced tea so occasionally I get a bit of caffeine I guess but mostly it’s just water 24-7.

Realizing I had TWO habits to break and not just one was huge for me. Breaking the QT habit was just as hard (just not physically painful) as stopping soda so starting there I think is what has helped me finally kick the habit.

In the midst of this whole thing I started running/walking/jogging about 5 times a week also. And when I realized that I was moving towards being soda-free AND exercising again I thought it might be time to look at what I was eating and THUS began my BUT diet.

Here is the essence of the BUT diet: I only ran 1.8 miles BUT I didn’t walk today. I walked most of that run BUT I left my house and tried. I added chicken strips to my salad BUT at least I didn’t order the fries. I had a bagel for breakfast BUT at least I’m eating breakfast now.

Get it?

It’s about making small changes, things I can live with and celebrating them! I have never dieted before in my life (thus my chubby figure) because I know diets just fail. It’s about life-style changes. And I knew I would never lose weight without being ready to tackle some of those bad habits. So am I going to be perfectly thin? Probably not. But do I already feel 100 times better? Absolutely!

What’s funny is that all of these small changes are leading to bigger ones. My main goals during the day are to 1. get out for a run 2. drink lots of water 3. eat three meals a day and 4. no snacks after dinner. So with no caffeine or snacks to keep me awake late at night I’ve been in bed no later than 10pm lately! 9:30pm most nights actually! So without even thinking about it I’m now getting an awesome nights sleep! And THAT is making me a happier mom in the mornings.

I’m calling it a BUT diet because I know I’m going to fail here and there BUT as long as I keep trying it’s ok. The only thing I know I can’t go back to is soda. That is my crack so I’m really afraid that if I have one sip I’ll fall completely off the wagon! But everything else is a give and take. There are going to be nights when I need to stay up a bit later and a bowl of pretzels will help that. There are days I can’t get a run in or I eat a piece of cake. I have on real weight goals but I’m already down about 5-8lbs depending on the day/time I weight myself (YES I am breaking the number one dieters rule and have been weighing myself every day at random times… it’s fascinating to me to see how different the scale can be!). If I was being honest with myself I would guess that I would feel great if I was down another 10-15lbs but I’m not going there. Not yet. Right now I’m enjoying the small changes I’m seeing in my body and am just proud as hell that I was able to take these steps at all!

I’m not perfect by any means BUT I’m trying and that’s all the counts!

Bailey snapped a quick photo of me early this morning when I got back from my run. The teeny tiny changes I’m seeing already is a slightly flatter tummy (Chris noticed this one first!) and my face/neck looking a bit thinner. The parts I want to eventually start really working on? Losing inches off my waist so it’s not so thick still (I’m wide which bugs me) and toning my arms+thighs. I have no dreams of a rock hard stomach or having anything perfectly ripped. It’s been a month or so of small changes and about 10 days of absolutely no soda so I think I’ll continue to see changes… plus i signed up for a summer boot camp with a personal trainer which should help tremendously! SO excited about that!

I’m not sure why I decided to blog about this because it’s not like there is some amazing before and after (yet!) BUT I think I needed to write about where I am right now. This is huge for me. Huge. And while I’m not a size 6 (or even close to a size 10 yet) that’s ok. Right now I am so damn proud that I truly feel like I’ve kicked my soda habit to the curb! There were so many days/nights when I wanted to cave but I pushed past them and now it’s to the point that I don’t want to go back. Every day it gets easier.

Happy Monday everybody! Summer is nearly here (tomorrow is our last day of school!) and we have so many adventures planned! Have a great day!

Kim and I love donating mini (and sometimes full) sessions to local charities when they have auctions or trivia nights or whatever they’re doing to raise money. It’s a great way for us to give back, raise money for a good cause and meet up with a family we might otherwise not have known. We do so many per year that usually by the end of winter we’ve been asked so many times we have to start saying no but we do love donating them!

Mini sessions are a great way for families to get all their images on a high-res disk, spend less time trying to get kids to smile but still get some great shots! If a full session isn’t in your budget this year a mini session is a great alternative!

This was such a fun family session! The boys were hysterical and so great to spend a morning with! AND they brought us fresh strawberries from their garden! How great is that?

Heather and Lance bought the gift card at the K-Life Trivia Night which is an amazing Christian organization for kids… totally something we are proud to support! AND if you are a mom seeking some awesome teaching this summer Heather is in charge of Greentree Community Church’s Moms and More summer program and ALL are welcome! I went last summer and learned SO much amazing teaching. AND I’ve been asked to teach one of their “snippets” which is a quick 10 min lesson before the talk starts each night so if you feel like hearing me chat away about photography you should come too!

And before I call it quits for the night and hunker down to watch my SHOWS Heather said I just had to post this shot! SO funny!

Happy Grey’s finale night!

Oh man! There is so much going on right now! Last days of school, me running every day, working on my FOURTH week without Mnt. Dew, last minute sessions, etc! Tonight the kids have their last choir practice with a pizza party afterwards and I’m supposed to be going to a preschool open house also but after a LONG day I think something has to give! Anyway, I have ten minutes to hit POST before the next thing on my list starts yelling for my attention so I’m going to stop chatting and get to these super sweet photos of little Stella!

Headband from LMG Creative Designs!

Stella was a dream! So easy to work with and slept like a champ! She ate a ton too but that’s nothing new! Thanks so much to the Bates family for bringing her to the studio… it was great to meet you guys and cuddle with your sweet baby girl for a little while!

Happy Wednesday everyone! Counting the days until summer when our family catches up from a long season of not seeing each other much! Summer is my FAVORITE time of the entire year because Chris is home so much and we’re together doing the things we love! Total bliss! And just days away!

Chris and I will have our eighth anniversary this fall and in all that time (plus our dating and engagement) he’s been a coach. There hasn’t been one year he’s taken off since he started coaching our college club lacrosse team our junior year so that’s what? Eleven years? I suck at math but I think that’s right. Anyway, so for a LONG time I’ve been a coach’s girlfriend/fiance/wife.

Being a coach’s wife doesn’t mean anything to you unless, well, you’re a coach’s wife. Similar, I’m guessing, to being a military wife. It’s something you can’t understand unless you’re living it.

So for eight years I’ve lost my husband to a team multiple times a year (he’s always coached two or three seasons). And for all of those years I watched his teams with a veil over my eyes. A veil of three tiny babies at home with an absent/distracted/over-committed/exhausted husband. I’ve always gone to as many games as I could either taking the kids with me or hiring a sitter. And I have ALWAYS adored his teams because he mostly coaches girls and so I’ve gotten to know many of them. Most babysit here at some point too. I love their parents and watching the games are always exciting. (Meaning, what I’m about to say has NOTHING to do with the sports/players/parents/etc. and all to do with ME.)

BUT. While I’m passionately cheering at the games it’s always been really hard for me to be at home, alone with the kids, all the other times. Doing dinner/baths/bed every night for weeks and months on end is exhausting. And after a while it makes me a crabby+complaining wife and mother. I’m not always a good person during his coaching seasons. I get frustrated, pick fights, go to bed angry, etc. Because for SO many years we had SO many little kids (the WORST year was after Gray was born and the kids were infant, 1 and 3 years old and Chris coached all three seasons. Rough does not describe it!) and Chris was just gone ALL THE DAMN TIME. After a while I really started to resent his coaching. He was gone all the time and it’s not like he was making millions of dollars doing it either.

Do you hear what I’m saying? I was really starting to HATE what coaching did to me and our family.

But then this year rolled around. And the kids were older+more independent (read: potty trained, sleeping through the night, getting dressed alone, etc.). And we lived in our own house. And we gained incredibly supportive neighbors. And the kids were older. And it was easier to go to games. And dinner/SHOWERS/bed wasn’t super hard anymore (no diapers, jammies on by themselves, showering alone, etc.). And my best friend’s kids were bigger too (they’re the same age as mine almost) so we could actually hold conversations on the sidelines (her husband, Kevin, coaches with Chris in the spring). And LO AND BEHOLD I started really enjoying soccer!

It’s like it kind of crept up on me too. Because it’s not like life has been perfect and I still can get tired of doing so much on my own and Chris and I still had a few big arguments (mostly about me doing so much on my own! HA!) BUT as the season wore on I realized just how much I was loving it all. For the first time in a LONG time I loved watching him on the sidelines doing what he loves. His team was AMAZINGLY talented and I found myself really watching the girls play. I got to know some of the parents better and they supported our family this season in ways we can never repay. And as the team did better and better it felt like I was a part of it all instead of just the grumpy house wife waiting at home. I was excited to hear about the games I couldn’t go to when he got home! I didn’t mind as much when he was on the phone at night with his other coaches discussing practice or reliving games. I started to understand soccer better too because I was actually watching the games.

I needed this year so desperately. I needed to see all the GOOD that Chris coaching does for our family. I needed to see that having my kids grow up on a soccer field is a really amazing thing. I needed that veil to lift so I could see just how freaking talented Chris truly is at what he does. He is hands down one of the best coaches I’ve ever seen. And I’m not just saying that because I love him. I’m saying it because his girls WANT to work hard for him! And they work SO hard. His assistant coaches and his team and their parents… well… you just don’t get a better group of people.

That’s why, tonight’s loss in the second round of districts was so heart wrenching. Webster DESERVED that win! They played harder than the other team and played with more heart. But even with this devastating loss, at least for me, this was the best season ever. It showed me that Chris is exactly where God has called him to be, doing exactly what He designed him to do. I feel so lucky that my husband gets to have a job that he’s so passionate about! Not everyone is so lucky!

Kevin, Chris, Dan (ignore the weird face he’s making… they let me take ONE photo and Dan was talking I think!) and Todd (who left early this game). Four guys who work harder than anyone I know!

Five of the best cheerleaders around! Our kids and the MacBryde (Kevin and Angie) girls! Gray was sick for this game so he’s missing from the photo.

Tonight Angie and I got sitters so we could have a date and enjoy the game together (along with SO MANY of our friends and family who came out to support the team!)… it’s SO great having a friend in the trenches with me!

So for the first time ever I can’t wait to see what the Webster Groves Girls Soccer Team can do next season! There is NO part of me tonight glad that soccer is over… I so wish they could have advanced. My veil has officially been lifted and from here on out I expect it just gets easier! I’m so proud of the team this year and SO SO proud of my awesome husband. He worked harder this season than I’ve ever seen him work.

And I guess to wrap up this LONG post… I just want to let ALL the parents of very little kids know that IT GETS EASIER. A LOT easier. Oh it gets busier and maybe more emotional (dealing with bigger issues like bullies, friendships, etc.) BUT it’s just easier. Trust me!

Webster is having their graduation this Friday so while I have a few other sessions that should have their sneak peek before Allie, I wanted to bump her ahead so her family and friends can see her photos before the big day! We had a gorgeous morning at Forrest Park and she was SO easy to work with! Incredibly beautiful and very comfortable in front of the camera. Seriously, it was a dream session!

Happy Graduation Allie! Have an amazing summer and good luck next year!

I think it’s appropriate to give this sweet first time mom her sneak peek on Mother’s Day don’t you? Jessica and her mom brought Tinley to the studio and they were so great! Of course we love every single baby fix we get but one of the best parts of our jobs is that we get to know the moms so much better during the 3+ hour session! Tinley was just a doll during her session (even if she pooped on almost everything she touched! HA! I’m still working on her laundry!) and it was great to chat with Jessica during their session as well! To ALL of our moms, especially first time moms, I want to wish you the happiest Mother’s Day ever! I think the first one is always the sweetest!

Jessica, I hope this makes your Mother’s Day just a little bit sweeter!

I am totally kidding with that title up there. Thoughts on Thursday. HA! I’m just never cool enough to remember to do Ten on Tuesday or What I Wore Wednesday (sweats every week would bore you, no?) or any other cool blog thing that other cooler bloggers do. Because I’m not cool. And I’m not in any cool blogging circles. But that’s ok.

For two days I thought we had a major plumbing issue in our one and only shower/tub because the water was draining SO slowly until I realized tonight that the stopper was half-way up. I’m a total genius.

One of our awesome sitters came over for 30 minutes today so I could go run 2 miles. For free. Because she’s awesome. And I was so proud because even though my legs hurt today I ran two miles without stopping to walk (a month ago this wouldn’t have been possible) but when I told Chris tonight he said he thinks I need to up my mileage. That he bets I only burned like 100 calories or something and it’s not even doing anything. WTF? I almost punched him in the nose! He quickly recovered by telling me how thin I look and how proud he is of me right now but DUDE! Up my mileage because I’m not running enough to lose any weight? Doesn’t he know he just took any momentum and excitement I had over my own personal HUGE accomplishment and flushed it down the crapper? Ugh. Up my mileage. Shit.

So I’m at the end of three weeks and NO fountain soda. NO Mountain Dew at all either. I am drinking a TON of water with a can of orange soda here and there when I need a treat. But honestly, now that I know I’m not burning anything with my runs I think the little treats might be done too. The difference between this time and ALL the other times I’ve tried to quit is that I don’t miss it. Usually it’s a struggle every single day without my Mnt. Dew fix but this time it just kind of grosses me out. I’m working really hard right now to try and lose about 15lbs so I think that motivation is finally helping.

Thursdays are my ABSOLUTE favorite day of the week because I LOVE me some TV. Oh man! I DVR SEVEN shows on Thursday night and that gets me through until Sunday which is another favorite night! What’s funny though is that as much as I love watching tv at night (while I edit/blog/answer emails) I’m kind of looking forward to summer when my shows take a break because I have a big pile of books I’m waiting to tackle!

My kids are sick this week with this weird super high fever and crazy sore throat sickness. So I’ve had no babysitting or school this week to give me a break. Oh man. And I hope they get better soon because Sunday we have some fun plans for Mother’s Day!

Speaking of Mom’s Day… I have a few things we’re doing for our own moms that I’ll try to share next week. The kids and I got our craft on while we watched movies this week!

Ok. I just needed to chat. I tried chatting with Chris when he got home but if I talk too much about too many mundane/random things his eyes kind of glaze over and I lose him. And it’s too late to call my girl friends. So I blogged. Tomorrow night I have another sweet newborn to share on here and this weekend I’m catching up on personal photos that I got edited today while the kids watched Beverly Hills Chihuahua. It was either edit some personal stuff or stab my eyes with a fork… why are so many kid movies SO stupid? Anyway! I hope you had a great Thursday!

Every year on April 23rd we celebrate the little life of Seamus Johnston by going to the NICU at St. Louis Children’s Hospital and photographing other babies. Every year it is a huge honor to meet new families and hear their stories. Every year Seamus shows up in some way… like this year there was a baby born on his birthday and at the same gestation (the Johnston’s call those little coincidences “God-incidences” because they aren’t ever totally random). Every year we see nurses and doctors we’ve grown to love. Every year we get to spend the day with Tom and Sharon (best part!). Every year there are tears. And every single year there is so much love, joy and laughter filling those hallways in the NICU.

This year we met and photographed eight families and ten babies. They are all fighting for their lives and as you scroll their photos please say just a little prayer that they all get to go home very soon!

The NICU is a sacred place. When you walk the halls the prayers are almost palpable. The life and death that those walls have witnessed is almost overwhelming. Being there when Seamus died was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do but coming back every year to celebrate his life is always one of the best days of my year! Shoot for Seamus has become the best way to spend the anniversary of his death for Tom and Sharon too I think… if I can assume that for them. They get to see his room. They get to remember his short life spent there. They get to hug and visit with nurses and doctors that kept him alive for those seven and a half weeks. They get to walk the halls they know as well as their own. And then they get to go up to the garden. The garden where Seamus took his last breath but also saw the sky for the first time.

In honor of Seamus they have purchased a tree in the garden overlooking their favorite place to sit where they could see Forrest Park. It’s in the most perfect spot. And you know what? When I went back to read THIS post (my original post about Seamus), like I do every year, I realized that the branches in this photo are from their tree. Seamus’ tree.

See, when I took that last shot I was standing in front of a bench… the bench where they held Seamus as he died… and if you peek through those trees you see a gap… that’s where I stood to capture the photo from three years ago. Just another God-incidence if you ask me!

I love that his tree stands taller than the others, reaching for the sky and waving in the wind. I love that there is such a beautiful place to go sit and remember him.

Tom and Sharon! Two of the most amazing people you could ever meet! Because of them all of those families got sweet photos of their babies last month! They’ve become two of our dearest friends and have the sweetest baby boy, Mac, who my kids are kind of obsessed with right now! Bailey asks me constantly when she’ll be old enough to babysit Mac! This is a horrible snapshot from the last time they were over but it’s the most recent photo I have of Mac and I just have to show you guys how CUTE he is!

SO after the world’s longest blog post….

A huge thank you to all the families we met that day. Thanks to all the nurses that made the images possible! Thanks to the parents that shared their babies with us for a short time. Thanks to Kim for being my friend and totally understanding all of this. Thanks to Tom and Sharon for, well, everything! Oh and for taking us to lunch every year at my favorite sandwich shop!

Shoot for Seamus YEAR THREE was a huge success!

For the last several years I’ve gotten to photograph Carsyn (and her brother and sister!) on her birthday. We’ve gone to the city and a park and other places but this was by far my favorite session with her! Carsyn, in the past, has been kind of hard to crack. She’s slow to smile and hard for me to make laugh. Last year we tried shooting down by Busch Stadium because she loves baseball but even that didn’t make her all that happy to get her picture taken! So this year we decided to let Carsyn design her own session. Her and her mom talked A LOT about what she wanted to do and settled on a “camping” session based on her current favorite book, My Side of the Mountain. It just happens that was one of my all time favorite books when I was her age too! Amy went all out bringing things that would help make it look like Crasyn had run away to live off the land! And aside from the insane heat, bugs and my allergies going nuts it was so much fun! It was neat to finally see her engaged, happy and really loving her little pretend world! No fake smiles at all! HA!

Then a quick change so mom could get a few shots she wanted (ie: pretty portraits!) and we were done! She had fun, she played, we shot and were done! Super quick and worked perfect for Carsyn!

Thanks Amy+Carsyn! You guys were awesome!