since the girls have decided that sleeping through the night once was enough, here I am, at 4am, on the computer and watching reruns. I’ve been awake since 1:30am which means tomorrow is going to suck. big time.

so, since i’m awake anyway i thought i would finally post some photos of the dining room/office…

this was our buffet and now the drawers are storing my current projects while underneath is housing my files and fabric.  before this was our buffet though, it was a work bench we pulled out of a 100+ year old house… it’d been in their garage since the house was built pretty much and was covered in motor oil. I sanded it some and then just painted it b/c I love the distressed look!

the cabinet above is huge, about 9 feet long and my favorite piece in the house. It has old green blown glass doors, 6 of them, and it’s perfect above the work bench/buffet. this now holds all of my craft supplies…

this photo of my grandma is the only frame in the cabinet… she is always in my office b/c I like to think that I got my creativity from her. She was amazing; she could sew, paint, cook, draw, etc.  She passed away when I was in high school and it breaks my heart b/c I was too young and stupid to know what I would be missing once she was gone.  looking back I wish i had asked her a million and one questions and begged her to teach me everything, especially sewing. so anyway, she inspires me and i keep her close to my work. and the "D" book is a little mini-album I made for Chris last Father’s Day.

SO anyway, even though it’s not ideal, and part of me misses seeing my vases, pitchers, china, etc, these things, as unflattering as they may be to most, inspire me and make me happy.  Now when i walk through the dining room I smile, when before I would just walk though. I love it. I love that I was able to find a virtually unused space and use it.

AND, we got Grayson’s crib yesterday so once I find bedding that matches that room I will post photos. Just seeing a THIRD crib in our house freaks me out a little, but also excites me for this little man to get here.

Ok, I haven’t heard a peep from the monitor in about 15 minutes so I’m praying this is it and I can sleep.

Here’s to a day of Mountain Dew tomorrow!

A little link love:

Creating Keepsakes; not a new link, I love this magazine, but go there today b/c they are giving away the Ali Edwards font! Too cute!

Today’s Creative Blog; I’ve been reading this for a long time now and just always forget to share… she writes almost daily about new creative blogs and I have found lots of great blogs this way! Check her out!

The Art of Engineering: I found this blog one night while reading through the Blurb Blog. If you have ever created your own coffee table book and used Blurb.com then you have to check out this blog! She has created templates for custom books and has tutorials on her blog, not to mention she has the templates available for download! I love a good tutorial and I especially LOVE free downloads that save me time in the design process!

Popular Baby Products; This website/blog is run by a couple that used to go to Greentree Community Church in Kirkwood and I used to know Heather from stopping by the church office. Anyway, they now have two small boys and started this blog to share great products with other parents. I love that they are working together on this, can you imagine Chris writing about cool baby stuff?    And I also love a lot of the links they share.

And a little story to put you to bed with tonight:

Last night I was in a rush to get the girls bathed and in bed, simply b/c I was exhausted and needed some couch/work time. So I handed Bailey a wash cloth and told her to wash her belly. Then I gave them their toothbrushes and as I was turning around to grab the shampoo I said, "and don’t forget to wash your bottom."  When I turned back around she was scrubbing her bottom with her toothbrush.

When I yelped and said, "NO! Not with your toothbrush!"  she immediately popped the toothbrush back in her mouth and found the washcloth.

At least she was washing?

I have to say that I am in love with this Photo365(6) project.  Even if you haven’t started yet, please just start today!  Just the act of taking my camera everywhere we go is amazing. Trying to think of things to photograph when most days just blend into each other is eye opening!  I just so love that at the end of this year we will have an actual visual diary of our life.

Here’s what happened today:

Because I am now on a mission to photograph Bailey’s eyes…

I used a very subtle warm light action on this photo, but other than that didn’t change anything b/c the original was making me happy by itself. This is a good example of how easily you could miss her hazel/blue eyes unless you were looking for them.  And here is the b/w version:

And here is a photo depicting how I make dinner a lot of nights… with Parker strapped to my hip b/c she stands at my feet whining while I cook and it drives me CRAZY!

And last but not least, Chris brought home his new t-shirts with MY logo design on them! There is just something about seeing a design you created printed on something like a shirt! I love it!

So yes. Go out, grab your camera and start documenting your everyday life. Because you just never know what you’ll end up with! If you feel you are not good enough, just remember that there is perfection in the imperfection. Trust me!

Seriously. Thank you Lord for answering months and months of prayer!

Last night. My girls. Slept together in the same room. Without waking each other up. From 6pm-5:45am! Almost 12 hours! I knew they could do it!

I’m sitting here looking at their sweet faces and I swear I love them more this morning than I ever have in my life! And simply b/c I got SEVEN SEVEN SEVEN consecutive hours of sleep last night!

YAHOO! Way to go girls!

Life changing. This is so seriously life changing!

Last night, while I was up with Parker from 1-4am, my Braxton Hicks started.  So glad about that. Please note the very thick sarcasm!

I had BH with Bailey but they only started when I fell down a flight of basement stairs a month before she was born, so I’m not sure that counts.  With Parker they started right at the beginning of my third trimester and I think it made her delivery easy b/c my body had been preparing for a few months… I think I labored and she was born in 6 hours, quick and easy!

But this seems pretty early doesn’t it? Anybody out there that has had three kids want to comment? Is this normal?  Both girls were born about 2.5 weeks early so could this one come even earlier? I say with a hint of hopefulness!   

And yes, Parker was awake all night, but it wasn’t her fault. We put Bailey back up there and around 1am she woke up screaming with a nightmare (is this normal for a 2 year old???) and when Chris went up there to calm her Parker woke up. So Bailey came down to sleep with Daddy and I spent the next three hours waiting for her to cry it out again. Finally at 3:45am I changed her fairly wet diaper and she immediately went to sleep. They are up there again tonight so we’ll see what happens!

The benefit of being up all night? I started a new book, Pillars of the Earth, which I’m so excited to read! Reading is such a luxury for me these days. It’s like forever long though so I’ll let you know next year how I like it!

My friend Angie Higginbotham is starting an in-home child care for next fall.  Currently she is a grade school teacher but with two little boys 3 and 18 months, wants to stay home to be with them. She is great with kids… besides being a grade school teacher she taught Montessori and/or nannied in the summers for years. If we didn’t have family help (thanks Grandma!) I would send the girls there so I could work.

Anyway, if you are in the St. Louis area and are in need of an amazing home to send your children during the day, email Angie at angiehigg@sbcglobal.net for more information!  And tell her I sent you!

[i couldn't download her logo so i just created one really quick...this is not official!]

I don’t think I mentioned this today, but my girl’s night out got canceled b/c my friend had things going on at her house at the exact same moment our toilet decided to explode. And NO, there was no huge deposit that day or anything to make it overflow! You’re gross.

No, Chris just went number 1 (what’s the appropriate potty talk for adults on a blog? I don’t know!), flushed and the water just started pouring over the edge! We had no idea what was going on and at some point I called my mom to see what she thought… she suggested that maybe one of the kids put something in there we just didn’t notice.  Hmmm… got me thinking but I’ve never seen either of them play in it so I doubted it.

UNTIL TONIGHT!

Oh yes, little miss devil child herself made an appearance tonight and we caught her half in the toilet just playing in the water! So disgusting! Who knows if she did or did not throw something in there yesterday, but we’re blaming her.

And as gross as that was, it doesn’t top the time Bailey crawled into the bathroom and when I found her she was chewing on the TOILET BRUSH! Oh yes. I almost died. And could have sworn she would die from chemicals or germs or anything else that lives on a toilet brush, but she was fine so I know Parker will be too. Although Chris barely wanted to touch Parker tonight after seeing her emerged in the toilet!

How many more times can I say toilet in this post?

Thank you to all the amazing women who commented on yesterday’s fairly depressing post… your words of encouragement and advice really helped. Just knowing you’re not alone and especially hearing from those of you that have been there before and know first hand there is a light at the end of the tunnel is so encouraging.  I will be rereading those comments for a long time to come! So thank you!

Luckily, I am a truly positive person who most days has a smile on her face despite the exhaustion, issues, etc.  So this morning I woke up and decided to turn the page. Yes, life is hard right now and YES it’s going to get harder when Grayson gets here, but YES I can decide how I handle it also.  And I’m handling it by deciding that today is a good day. And it has been so far. And tomorrow will be good too. Positive thinking, here I come!

One thing that has really helped is that PARKER SLEPT THROUGH THE ENTIRE NIGHT WITHOUT A PEEP THE LAST TWO NIGHTS IN A ROW! That is in all caps b/c I’m screaming from the mountain tops! Imagine Sound of Music and I’m twirling around on the mountain just screaming in delight that my daughter can actually sleep! YAHOO! This could single handedly change our lives right now and that is so exciting! Tonight: Bailey goes back upstairs and we try them together… wish us luck!

So because Parker is helping get me over the hump of losing my mind, here are her latest photos… when you ask her to smile THIS is what happens to her [normally] beautiful little face:

I mean seriously! She looks like a devil child doesn’t she? Now you can understand that when she ACTS that way it’s easy to call her that!

I love it b/c these are the stages that move away so quickly! Soon she will understand what it means to "smile" and we’ll never see this face again. So glad I captured it!

And if you’ve been wondering about potty training? This is what the potty has been used for lately:

Trying to start potty training the same week Parker was recovering from surgery was a bad BAD idea. I didn’t stick with it. And then sleep issues became top of my list so in a couple of weeks, once they are both sleeping together well (hopefully!) finally I will start again.  And if you have any good suggestions for this I am ALL ears!

The page is turned and I will survive!

I wish what I was losing was weight or debt or something equally as fun, but right now I am literally losing my mind. My sense of self. My everything.

I know that sheer exhaustion is playing a major role in my breakdown today and pregnancy hormones never help, but I have hit some sort of wall I just can’t quite get past.

My life revolves around getting the next thing done. There is always a deadline I’m working towards from making sure everyone is fed and dressed in the morning to making sure there is food in the house and clean clothes to wear to editing photos for clients or coming up with a new design. I’m always moving onto the next thing and making sure the thing before actually got done correctly. There is no down time, or the down time I do have, like blogging, still is somehow wrapped into my business and so part of the joy has gone from that too lately.

Are there other moms out there like this?  There have to be b/c I’m not the only one with two young kids, one on the way, a part-time job, running their own business while keeping the family and house together.  Am I?  And if you are out there, do you have breakdowns also? Do you hit a wall and feel like everything is falling apart around you?

There are just so many days that I feel so alone.  I also look like crap all the time which isn’t helping… I need a make-over. And I mean a serious make-over b/c my hair is a mess and in a ponytail every single day, I never wear make-up and when I do I don’t know how to put it on very well and b/c I’m always covered in food or paint or playdoh I wear sweats most days. So yeah, feeling like I’m this ugly hag every day isn’t helping anything either I guess. 

I don’t know. Finding the right balance between kids, husband, work, home, and friends is hard. Someday I’ll figure it out right? 

Sorry for this fairly depressing post.  I would love to pretend like my life is roses everyday, but it’s just not. This is me. Real life. And it’s not always good.  So thanks blogland for giving me an outlet today.

And thanks to my friend Tracy for talking her husband into keeping their kids so her and I can go out tonight. Girl time will really help!