losing it.

I wish what I was losing was weight or debt or something equally as fun, but right now I am literally losing my mind. My sense of self. My everything.

I know that sheer exhaustion is playing a major role in my breakdown today and pregnancy hormones never help, but I have hit some sort of wall I just can’t quite get past.

My life revolves around getting the next thing done. There is always a deadline I’m working towards from making sure everyone is fed and dressed in the morning to making sure there is food in the house and clean clothes to wear to editing photos for clients or coming up with a new design. I’m always moving onto the next thing and making sure the thing before actually got done correctly. There is no down time, or the down time I do have, like blogging, still is somehow wrapped into my business and so part of the joy has gone from that too lately.

Are there other moms out there like this?  There have to be b/c I’m not the only one with two young kids, one on the way, a part-time job, running their own business while keeping the family and house together.  Am I?  And if you are out there, do you have breakdowns also? Do you hit a wall and feel like everything is falling apart around you?

There are just so many days that I feel so alone.  I also look like crap all the time which isn’t helping… I need a make-over. And I mean a serious make-over b/c my hair is a mess and in a ponytail every single day, I never wear make-up and when I do I don’t know how to put it on very well and b/c I’m always covered in food or paint or playdoh I wear sweats most days. So yeah, feeling like I’m this ugly hag every day isn’t helping anything either I guess. 

I don’t know. Finding the right balance between kids, husband, work, home, and friends is hard. Someday I’ll figure it out right? 

Sorry for this fairly depressing post.  I would love to pretend like my life is roses everyday, but it’s just not. This is me. Real life. And it’s not always good.  So thanks blogland for giving me an outlet today.

And thanks to my friend Tracy for talking her husband into keeping their kids so her and I can go out tonight. Girl time will really help!

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