Tomorrow is Kindergarten day. A day I’m crazy excited for and intensely dreading.

I can’t wait to see how she grows and changes this year. What she learns. What makes her excited and the friends she’ll make.

I’m dreading how this will change our family. The dynamic. Our kids are together most of the time and now she’ll be gone all week. Parker will miss her the most. This year will change Parker a lot too.

Bailey is SO excited. We have her backpack packed. Her first day outfit bought and clean. Her lunch is packed and in the fridge. She already has a crush on her cute+young teacher.

Today she told me she was excited but a little nervous. It came out of nowhere b/c up until today she hasn’t mentioned being nervous at all yet. When I asked her what she was nervous about she said she had no friends in her class. Which is true. This will be the first time she doesn’t know anyone. And it broke my heart to see her looking at me with those gorgeous eyes admitting what her heart was worrying about.

It also made me glad she still opens up to me about her deepest darkest five year old fears b/c one day she might not share so willingly.

Bailey was my first. And here she is with another big first of her own tomorrow. A big first for me too.

I’m excited for her. For where this means our family is heading… into a world of big kids and no babies.

I’m sad for me a little too though. The last five years with three kids at home most of the time has been a luxury. One I’m sad to see leave. And well, it’s Bailey. My sensitive one. The one who will have her heart broken a million times. The one I want to protect. My helper and partner in crime. I’m just really going to miss her.

Dear Bailey,

In the morning you’re going to be hopping around with excitement! You’re going to put on your new outfit and ask me to do a pony tail in your hair. Then you’ll pick out your favorite headband, open your purse and put on all your silly bands. You’ll brush your teeth and laugh at the vibrations tickling your mouth. You’ll have cereal and toast and fruit. You’ll ask for more fruit. And will remind me to get your lunch out of the fridge. Because you never forget anything! What you won’t know yet is that tonight I tucked a little note in there for you to find tomorrow. We’ll make sure your backpack is packed with Teds tucked safe inside for you to look at if you get nervous or scared. You’ll be running around with all the excited energy and PJ and Gray will be trucking right behind. Parker might be extra quiet because she’s sad you’re going to school without her… please make sure to give her an extra big hug. Gray will only care about “batball” but inside he’ll miss you too! Daddy will be leaving for his first day and before he leaves he’ll give you a huge hug and tell you how proud he is of you. He won’t admit it but I bet he’s a little sad you’re growing up so fast too. When everyone’s ready we’ll get in the car and take Parker and Grayson to GoGo’s house. We’ll drop them off and I bet GoGo will be crying before we pull out of the driveway. If we have time we’ll stop at Grandma’s so she can see you off too. Your grandparents are so proud of you Bailey! Then it will be just you and me driving to school. We’ll sing Taylor Swift at the top of our lungs and giggle all the way there. When we get there we’ll park around the corner so I can walk you to your classroom. The school will feel so big compared to your small hand holding mine. You’ll hold extra tight like you did on “meet the teacher” day because it’s a little bit scary. I’ll walk you into your classroom where you’ll see your sweet teacher happily greeting all your new friends. We’ll hang your backpack up and give her your lunch+morning snack.

Then I’ll say goodbye.

And we’ll hug and wave and I hope you don’t cry. I don’t think you will because you never did at preschool but I know you’re nervous this year.

I’ll walk away and try to hold back my tears until I get to the car. Not because I’m sad for your new journey but because I’m sad this chapter in my own life is closing. I’ve loved it so much.

I hope you have an amazing day. A true adventure. And I hope you enjoy every second of it.

It’s been the most amazing journey the last five years and I am so blessed to have you as my daughter.

Good luck sweetie!

love Mommy