oh my bails.

Tomorrow is Kindergarten day. A day I’m crazy excited for and intensely dreading.

I can’t wait to see how she grows and changes this year. What she learns. What makes her excited and the friends she’ll make.

I’m dreading how this will change our family. The dynamic. Our kids are together most of the time and now she’ll be gone all week. Parker will miss her the most. This year will change Parker a lot too.

Bailey is SO excited. We have her backpack packed. Her first day outfit bought and clean. Her lunch is packed and in the fridge. She already has a crush on her cute+young teacher.

Today she told me she was excited but a little nervous. It came out of nowhere b/c up until today she hasn’t mentioned being nervous at all yet. When I asked her what she was nervous about she said she had no friends in her class. Which is true. This will be the first time she doesn’t know anyone. And it broke my heart to see her looking at me with those gorgeous eyes admitting what her heart was worrying about.

It also made me glad she still opens up to me about her deepest darkest five year old fears b/c one day she might not share so willingly.

Bailey was my first. And here she is with another big first of her own tomorrow. A big first for me too.

I’m excited for her. For where this means our family is heading… into a world of big kids and no babies.

I’m sad for me a little too though. The last five years with three kids at home most of the time has been a luxury. One I’m sad to see leave. And well, it’s Bailey. My sensitive one. The one who will have her heart broken a million times. The one I want to protect. My helper and partner in crime. I’m just really going to miss her.

Dear Bailey,

In the morning you’re going to be hopping around with excitement! You’re going to put on your new outfit and ask me to do a pony tail in your hair. Then you’ll pick out your favorite headband, open your purse and put on all your silly bands. You’ll brush your teeth and laugh at the vibrations tickling your mouth. You’ll have cereal and toast and fruit. You’ll ask for more fruit. And will remind me to get your lunch out of the fridge. Because you never forget anything! What you won’t know yet is that tonight I tucked a little note in there for you to find tomorrow. We’ll make sure your backpack is packed with Teds tucked safe inside for you to look at if you get nervous or scared. You’ll be running around with all the excited energy and PJ and Gray will be trucking right behind. Parker might be extra quiet because she’s sad you’re going to school without her… please make sure to give her an extra big hug. Gray will only care about “batball” but inside he’ll miss you too! Daddy will be leaving for his first day and before he leaves he’ll give you a huge hug and tell you how proud he is of you. He won’t admit it but I bet he’s a little sad you’re growing up so fast too. When everyone’s ready we’ll get in the car and take Parker and Grayson to GoGo’s house. We’ll drop them off and I bet GoGo will be crying before we pull out of the driveway. If we have time we’ll stop at Grandma’s so she can see you off too. Your grandparents are so proud of you Bailey! Then it will be just you and me driving to school. We’ll sing Taylor Swift at the top of our lungs and giggle all the way there. When we get there we’ll park around the corner so I can walk you to your classroom. The school will feel so big compared to your small hand holding mine. You’ll hold extra tight like you did on “meet the teacher” day because it’s a little bit scary. I’ll walk you into your classroom where you’ll see your sweet teacher happily greeting all your new friends. We’ll hang your backpack up and give her your lunch+morning snack.

Then I’ll say goodbye.

And we’ll hug and wave and I hope you don’t cry. I don’t think you will because you never did at preschool but I know you’re nervous this year.

I’ll walk away and try to hold back my tears until I get to the car. Not because I’m sad for your new journey but because I’m sad this chapter in my own life is closing. I’ve loved it so much.

I hope you have an amazing day. A true adventure. And I hope you enjoy every second of it.

It’s been the most amazing journey the last five years and I am so blessed to have you as my daughter.

Good luck sweetie!

love Mommy

9 thoughts on “oh my bails.

  1. It’s a HUGE transition! I know you will all handle it well because you’ve had to adapt to so many changes and surprises (some good, some not so good) throughout this past year. I totally cried when my first born started Kindergarten. And again when my youngest did. It’s part of the deal. I’m quite certain of this. BIG HUGS to all of you and congratulations to Bailey!!!

  2. Sobing, literally sobing. It hasn’t really occurred to me just how BIG of a change this really is. Now I get why you have been telling me to hold off going back to work!
    She looks so much like you with her hands in her pockets looking up. And dressed like such a big girl.
    We LOVE you Bailey! Good luck today and have SO MUCH fun!

  3. yep, sobbing. you are the best mom for writing like this. I should have done it. you girls are the world to me. and all the little ones too. Good luck Bailey, wish I could give you a hug this morning. love grandma

  4. That was the most precious post I’ve read in awhile! Wanted you to know that I’m praying for you and the other families sending not-so-little ones off to kindergarten! And I absolutely LOVE the second picture of Bailey with her hands in the pockets!

  5. I was doing JUST FINE until I read your letter to her. I hope you save that letter and give it to her the night she graduates high school. The most prized possesstion I have from high school is a 7 page letter my mom wrote to me on graduation night. Hope your 1st day was the best, Bailey.

  6. I guess I was due for a good cry, and your beautiful letter certainly did it for me. What a treasure (Bailey, your letter, all of it!). Lucas also started Kindergarten yesterday, but we are homeschooling. I am so thankful to have him home, but I guess a little part of me is sad that I won’t go through the emotions of leaving him and having it hit home that he IS growing up on me. You always remind me to cherish these times…thank you!

  7. Before you know it, the year will have flown by and (most likely) you’ll have
    An honest-to-goodness reader in your home. For my money, that’s the best thing for the parents of a Kindergardener!

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