I wouldn’t call myself an emotional eater, until today. When I had a huge Chipolte burrito for lunch, multiple fountain sodas and just made my favorite dinner. Which is so gross it’s awesome. One big bowl. A box of Mac n’ Cheese, a bag of frozen broccoli, a can of sliced black olives and a few chicken strips. ALL MIXED TOGETHER. With a few sprinkles of salt and so much food it’s dinner and lunch the next day.
It was a gray+rainy day today. Which was perfect weather for my mood.
I’m stressed out about this house in Webster we kind of fell in love with. A TINY speck of a house that could be all ours and wouldn’t break the bank. A barn red one story house I want to lovingly recreate and make cute. And I swore I wouldn’t dream of houses while we are in this place of life. But now I am. And so is Chris. Hard core. And although we have a rockin’ down payment (a gift from family) and can more than afford the monthly payments, our credit sucks ass and is like trying to drive over an elephant. Major road block. Which is SO frustrating because we just have never had a ton of money, so we rob peter to pay paul. We pay each bill when we can, what we can and there were months and years things were constantly late. BUT WE ALWAYS PAID THEM OFF, it just took some time. We are good people, we work incredibly hard, we pay off our debts and yet we can’t buy a house. It’s stressing me out. Chris is talking to everyone he knows to see if there is any possible way to buy this little house right now. He wants this so badly. Prayers for us would be awesome… we’d love God to open this door for our family!
I also had to take Gray to the doctor today… sinus infection… no big deal. But while there I mentioned that I’ve been looking into nutrition as a way to help Parker. I told her what supplements I’ve started the kids on and asked about a possible food allergy… like dairy or gluten or something totally random. Because it hit me on her fourth birthday last week that I couldn’t come up with the last day she wasn’t coughing or had a runny nose or tummy ache. It’s constant. And I’m so sick of worrying about Parker I could scream. And she’s such a cool kid but she ALWAYS feels bad. SO I lay in bed at night and just wonder what she’d be like if she felt good. GREAT even. And she never does. So I’m telling our doc this and she says a food allergy is a real possibility that just takes a simple blood test but then she pauses and asks if she ever has diarrhea. I tell her ALL THE TIME. As in she’s 4 and we don’t let her wipe herself yet because most of her poops are so messy and loose. As if you wanted to know that. So she asks me about the poops and when I tell her that YES she has diarrhea she tells me she’d like to rule out CF. I’m certain she doesn’t have it and really only has a few of the symptoms but the doc mentioned that she diagnosed a 16 year old a while back so it’s possible. Awesome. Her sweat test is tomorrow as is the blood work, so I’m taking off work to take her to the hospital. To rule out or diagnose… either way I just want to figure out something to make my kid feel better.
So I’m eating today. And I realized I just want my tummy full so I can drown out the thoughts swirling around in my head. Because they are driving me mad. The what ifs and dreams and nightmares all moving together in one big swirl… kind of like my dinner! HA!
Sorry. I just needed to DUMP tonight. I want to own a home. A tiny little red home in the perfect area. I want Parker to be healthy. I want Chris to be happy. I want our life to get to a place of normalcy and happiness. And I don’t think Santa can bring any of that… even though of course I have the end of Miracle on 34th street (the original) running through my head… you know where they get a house for Christmas? Because our little red house would look super cute with a big red bow on it this year!
Let’s end this rant with my new favorite shots of PJ…all taken yesterday morning while we skipped church and hung out one last lazy morning before school+work started again…