I’m starting to hate holidays.

We’ve made some major changes in the way we live our lives around here. We’re reading ingredients on EVERY SINGLE THING we put in our mouths (or at least the kid’s mouths) so that nothing unnatural goes into them (they do still get the occasional junk just because I never want them to feel so deprived they crave the junk… a piece of candy here and there or whatever). They are eating more fruits and veggies than ever and are on daily supplements prescribed by our doc (the Homeopathic one as we’re still seeing our pediatrician for the basics). I cleaned out the bathroom of toxins and have gone to all natural shampoo, wash, toothpaste, etc. And finally I bought all new non-toxic/organic/all-natural/whatever cleaners. My mom is even on board with all of this bless her soul. SO. Because of all these changes I decided today that instead of using toxic food coloring to dye our eggs we’d go the natural way.

I used red cabbage for blue, beets+cranberry juice for red, chili powder for orange, etc.

I spent HOURS shopping and cutting and cooking and straining and preparing for a SUPER FUN night of egg dyeing!

Then because the kitchen was a DISASTER with pots of simmering food everywhere I ordered Imo’s. And of course they brought me a soda. But I didn’t drink it. I’m on day SEVEN so why would I cave now?

The kids ate quick and we were SO ready to start the SUPER FUN night of egg dyeing!

Let’s just cut to the end of this sad sad story. IT DIDN’T WORK. AT ALL.

All we had were some crap-ass colors so pale it was awful. And most of them looked like mud. So I sent them up to get undressed and said we just needed to let them soak while they bathed. As they ran upstairs I quickly got out the toxic food coloring and emptied all the bottles into the bowls praying something would turn out.

Three clean little people scampered down the stairs SO excited to see… darker and scarier and uglier eggs. They are BAD you guys. FUGLY.

Bailey looked at me and said, “I thought dyeing eggs would be fun!”

Sing it sister.

The kids are in bed, I have a MOUNTAIN of dishes to wash and a half-drank Mountain Dew sitting here next to me.

Freaking holidays.

They are not fun to me anymore. It’s almost Easter and I used to like Easter. Now I’m worried about what the kids can and can’t eat, I’ve been so mean to the Grandma’s and asked them not to put ANY candy in the hidden eggs, I’ve had to buy new clothes for everyone, I look online and see so many awesome kid crafts for Easter and have NO freaking time to do any of them, I feel guilty we didn’t make anything for any of the teachers this year and the list goes on. Holiday’s are like one big huge day to show me how much I SUCK at being a mom sometimes. Like how tonight I would love to sit and do a craft I started days ago for the Grandma’s (for Easter but mainly to let them know how much I appreciate them) but I have like, oh, HUNDREDS of photos that need editing for Fresh Art and this pile of dishes that won’t wash themselves.

My friend calls blogs mom-porn and she’s totally right. I read so many blogs with so many women who spent the week teaching their kids about Christ and Easter and the cross through crafts and stories and making cookies. And the whole time I’m reading I’m pinning things or book marking them or even printing them out so I can BE JUST LIKE THEM and be the BEST MOM EVER! And then I remember that I work two jobs and struggle to keep up with ANYTHING in my life on a daily basis much less adding in something like, I don’t know, naturally dyeing Easter eggs that takes HOURS and turns out like crap.

Ugh.

Oh and Grey’s is a repeat AGAIN.

And I just finished my Mnt. Dew.

Day seven of no soda can kiss my ass.

And so can being the perfectly together mom I wish I could be.

Because I’m just not. I’m scattered and frantic and chubby and bad at cooking and bad at time management and bad at keeping up with the laundry and tired and grumpy and over-extended and stressed most of the time.

And on most days that’s fine with me. I can handle being mostly sucktastic.

But then a freaking holiday rolls around and I want to be AWESOME. And together. And organized. And crafty.

Whatever. Holidays can suck it.

11 thoughts on “I’m starting to hate holidays.

  1. Now that my kids are “older” I suck at holiday crafting too. We have not dyed eggs or decorated. I made cookies Tuesday and the kids put can frosting on them. That’s about it. I have to believe that I am still a rock-star mom (I have given up on being Sara D or Pioneer Woman…) :)

  2. All things in moderation. We have been making the conversion to a healthier lifestyle, cutting our preservatives, toxins and additives. But somethings just are better the way they are.. It will all fall back into place ya just gotta find your Jody Groove! It will totally come your way! You are a great mom! You can re dye eggs next year and they will never remember this year!

  3. Even though we’re not friends, can I give you the best friend speech? Because I read your blog, and you inspire me, and I hate that you don’t inspire yourself. You can’t be good at everything all at the same time. There aren’t enough hours in the day. Today you can be an awesome photographer and business owner. Tomorrow you can craft and wash dishes. Maybe sometime next week you can be an amazing wife. But NO ONE can work two jobs, craft with their kids, be super-wife, be hippie-mama on top of the food and toxins, drop everything at the drop of a hat to be with a dying baby in a hospital, donate hundreds of hours of work so that a friend can bring home their baby, make presents for teachers and Nana’s, complete service projects, go to church, play with your children, do the dishes, wash the laundry, and run errands ALL AT THE SAME TIME. You have got to cut yourself some slack woman. You just spent hours creating an evening for your kiddos. So yeah, it didn’t work out. It doesn’t make you a failure. I think everyone has mommy-guilt. I don’t know a single mom that says, “Yeah, I am fucking KILLING this mom thing, my kids will be perfect!” Drink. Your. Soda. Love yourself. Forgive yourself for mistakes. Love those kids the best way you can today.

    End rant. Looooooveee yooouu.

  4. “Holidays can suck it.” Hahaha. That made my night.

    Thanks for that.

    Remember that you are comparing your worst to those “perfect” moms’ best. That’s what we do. We beat the hell out of ourselves for all the stuff we do wrong, and we give ourselves very little credit for the things we do GREAT!

    While I was reading your post I was thinking to myself “Wow. No junk food. All natural. No toxins. Why can’t I be more like that?” And then I read the part of your post where you told the REST of the story, which most people don’t do. Most people show us the good stuff but that doesn’t mean there’s not crap there too.

    You’re a good mom and you’re continually fighting to be a better mom.

    As long as you never quit fighting, you (and your kids) will be just fine.

  5. I read it the same way – “Wow, all natural – I really wish I could do that – what a fabulous Mom!”. You are doing an awesome job – your kids feel the love in what you did, and that’s what they’ll remember – the time spent together, not the crappy eggs. I had a nervous breakdown at Christmas because I insisted on making an advent calendar for my 2 year old. It took me a few evenings to complete – oh, I had a 6 week old at the time too. It ended up OK, but not worth the stress! Why do we do it to ourselves??

  6. Read Ashlee’s comment again and again and again. Then print it out and stick it on your bathroom mirror. ((HUGS))

  7. Everything in moderation, girl. Seriously. We went all crazy on the all-natural warpath too when we found out about L’s allergies. And we still shop at Trader Joe’s and our kids take supplements and I use all natural cleaning products and make G’s organic food. I even use goat milk soap on myself and my kids.

    But. I’m sipping a Coke as I read blogs this morning. And L gets Sprite when we go out to eat (and I didn’t freak out when my mom gave him one at 9 am today). And I indulge in bad-for-you cafeteria food (that I weirdly, secretly love) at least once a week at work.

    I don’t feel guilty about those little things anymore because moderation is key.

    Now, will you please please please email me or post about what supplements your kids take (I can’t afford a homeopathic doctor right now and am guessing for my babes) and also where you get the all-natural shampoo? Thanks. :)

  8. You should check out Emily Weaver Brown’s blog. She has naturally died her eggs for three years now and they look amazing!

    Once you get into the routine of everything being healthy and natural, life becomes so much easier! It really is all about what mindset you are in (this is coming from someone with three in three too). Even on roadtrips, we just travel via city’s that have whole foods and such rather than getting fast food.

    http://emilyweaverbrownphoto.com/blog/2011/04/natural-food-dyes/natural-easter-egg-dying-%e2%80%93-a-comprehensive-visual-guide/

  9. Jodie – I have been inspired and enjoyed your blog for quite some time – and also just wanted to suggest that you give yourself a break. I am a busy mom with 5 girls, without a major busy outside job, and even so I rarely get out the crafts for a full-on messy activity. I simply can’t handle it. Doing crafts does not equal good mom. I know you love it and enjoy it – but there are so many other things you can do that are not so busy and time consuming. Read together, color in a coloring book, look at old photos together. Have simple fun and be kind to yourself!

  10. I’m so sorry you are struggling with this!!! As you pray about your challenges I encourage you to remember that God longs for you to ENJOY the journey with your kids!!! You WILL find balance and moderation with all this… it takes time to navigate new waters. HOLIDAYS are designed for JOY—I pray that you let yourself experience SOME!!!! YOU DESERVE IT!!! xoxoxoxoxoxo

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