thursday thoughts.

Have I told you that Gray is potty trained? As in no accidents? It happened in May and it’s been an awesome addition to our summer! We’re also considering kicking him out of the convertible car seat to the high-back booster seat simply because then the girls can help him latch the seat belt and for the first time we’ll be car seat free! Who cares that he should stay in the convertible seat facing backwards until he’s ten, we’re talking NOT BUCKLING A KID ANYMORE! Safety be damned, I want life to be easy!

So when he poops he watches for it to fall and when there’s not just one turd but two he gets SO excited because his poop can have a friend! They’re poop friends and then and only then does he like to flush. All other flushes are up to me but he likes to watch his friends float away together. I can’t wait to tell his wife this someday so if she ever sees him smile when he poops she’ll know it’s because his poop has a friend.

Since Parker’s second kidney infection I’ve started trying to wipe her poops again, which sucks because once my kids sit on the toilet I feel like I should get out of all butt wiping. But considering she’s prone to rare crazy-ass bacteria invading her body I guess I’ll take a few butt swipes instead.

Yesterday I was clipping all the kids fingernails, which is one of my all-time favorite Mommy things to do topped only by cleaning their ears (YES I shove Q-tips in their ears because the pleasure I get from an orange tip coming out at me is too much to miss), when Gray told me I stunk. “You tink Mommy! Ewwww. You TINK!” I didn’t worry about it because 1. I hadn’t showered yet and 2. I hadn’t even brushed my teeth so the kid had a point, but just as I was thinking I should really at least toss on some deoderant I smelled the “tink” and it was NOT me. Oh no. It was a fairly sizeable poop smear on my pj leg from where my naked son’s tush had been sitting. Obviously he’d had a juicy toot or something because nothing had been in his DRY pull-up when I let him get naked and sit on my lap. Before I called him gross and made him go find the baby wipes I thanked God that I had pants on that morning and not shorts because it would have been a whole other kind of disaster if that shit was on my bare leg.

Parker has been sleeping in my bed every night lately. Lately as in the last two weeks straight and it’s becoming an issue. I’m not sure why it started, except probably a storm, but it has to stop because once she’s in there I toss and turn until morning. Makes for one crabby lady. But it’s like she’s holding all the power because for some reason I don’t wake up when she comes in. So I’m powerless to her cuddle until she ninja chops me in the thigh and I wake up enough to curse her for being in my bed but not enough to do something about it. So from that point on I’m too asleep to get the hell up and move her but not asleep enough that it really counts as sleep. It’s a serious dilemma that I’m afraid will only be solved when we move into the new house and C and I are sleeping together again so there will be no room for her to invade.

A few weeks ago at the summer mom Bible study I’m going to the speaker talked about being a truth-teller. About telling your kids the truth because they learn about Christ’s love first at home and Christ was a truth-teller. And while I like to think I’m a truth teller I’m really one big fat lie after another all day long. “In a minute” means “Hells no but if I say no to you right now you will cry and complain and give me a headache so I’ll say ‘in a minute’ to shut you up and pray you forget completely.” Do you tell that lie? My entire day, to EVERYONE, is “sure, in a sec” or “just a minute” or “right after I finish this”. I say it to everyone. And so I’ve been convicted. Which is good because I’m really just changing my language to something that’s true like, “I can’t do that now so please come back and ask again later because maybe then I can”. But it makes me wonder what a day would be like if I had time and were able to do everything people asked of me right when they asked it. I’d never sleep that’s for sure. And I’d probably start drinking.

Bailey turned six on Friday and since we rescheduled her party for August when PLEASE GOD we are living in our new house, we gave her a YES day. Which meant I had to say yes to everything she asked for. I prepared myself to be running around ragged all day bending to her every whim but do you want to know something amazing? She hardly asked for anything. She wanted eggs for breakfast and egg-less pancakes for Parker and Grayson, she wanted to go to Purina Farms (something I kind of coerced her into after her initial request was to go to the Arch and I just didn’t have that in me), she wanted Steak n Shake for lunch and Happy Joes for dinner. In between she asked for NOTHING. No candy or playtime or anything. We had an awesome day and I realized just how cool my now six year old really is. She’s not a spoiled brat, she doesn’t have a sense of entitlement about her, she’s thankful for what she has and she’s happy. Now Parker’s YES day might be a totally different story!

I’m feeling unorganized lately and that bothers me to no end. But how can I not when we have our things at three houses right now? When I feel like this it makes me want to get every single part of my life organized RIGHT NOW which is impossible and that ends up sending me further into an out-of-control feeling spiral. So tonight while the kids bathed I sat in the upstairs family room at my parents and purged+organized the kid books. Something completely useless and should have been absolutely last on my gigantic to do list but man does it make me feel better to have one tiny part of our world in order right now! Is that sad?

It’s Thursday. And my brain is running so fast I wanted to just sit and let it flow. I don’t even know how many people read this blog and years ago that really used to matter to me but now it doesn’t. I don’t check stats anymore or care about comments. I’m trying to write more simply because one day I want my kids to really know who I was when they were little. When they’re a tired+overworked mommy I want them to come to this blog and see that I was too. And that it’s ok. It’s ok to have poop on your pants and laugh about poop friends and love your kids but sometimes want to run away from them because life with them is so fucking hard. I want them to know in the deepest part of their souls that I screwed up but the love never changed. That I tried my hardest and some days I didn’t try at all. My time feels so stretched but I want to try to make this blog more of a priority. Not so I can be the memory keeper for my family, but so that I can have a voice again. A voice that my kids might actually know and love one day.

3 thoughts on “thursday thoughts.

  1. LOVE everything about this post! As someone in the midst of potty training a boy you give me hope that I won’t be doing this forever. :) I blog for the same reasons you do, that and because sometimes I feel if I write it and put it out there then it doesn’t have such a hold on me anymore (does that make sense?). I love mind dump posts, they are always my favorite! Hope you have a great weekend!

  2. You’re awesome Jodie and you’re right. Kids **are fucking hard and I tell myself I would love them a smidgen more if I didn’t have to spend every waking minute with them, but force myself to see the good in all the butt wiping and minor catastrophes that is having children AND a home business… Thanks for putting into words what always rambles around in my head, too! :)

  3. I love your honesty. Kids will only become “easy” when then come with a manual.
    About that whole Christ/Truth thing — are you prepared to cut Santa Claus out of your lives, because there is the arguement that that is a lie. I don’t subscribe to it, since I see it as a lesson in love and giving, but there are others who never once have seen their children’s joy at spying Santa at the Mall for the first time during the Christmas Season. Just wondering……

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