Why I hate church.

I love God. I really do. And I CRAVE learning about Him and being fed by the Holy Spirit. I started giving a monthly donation to Joy FM simply because I get more out of listening to the radio than I do church every week. And don’t get me wrong, I love our church. The people, the clergy, etc. I grew up there so my love runs deep.

However.

I HATE going to church.

I hate having to rush in the morning. I hate arguing with the kids about what they’re going to wear. I hate making sure any of us have suitable clean clothes (my laundry pile is constantly overflowing) ready. I hate doing it by myself which happens a lot because I work so much on Sunday’s most weeks I leave C at home to get his work done so that when I get home we can tag team. I hate making sure we’re on time for choir. I hate Children’s Chapel because so many kids don’t listen and so it’s constant disciplining of other people’s kids which makes me extremely uncomfortable. I hate every single time I have to say SHHHH. I hate that I have to say it at least a million times to my kids and others (during choir or Children’s Chapel or Faith Quest). I hate keeping the kids still+quiet in the short time between Children’s Chapel and communion. I hate all the “shhh” and “we don’t talk in church” and “color quietly please” and “please stop talking” I have to say. I hate all the times I have to put my hand on one of their shoulders which is my nice+silent way of saying SHUT UP.  I hate community time which is watching three kids to make sure they don’t run/spill/yell/leave/etc instead of me nicely chatting with adults which I think is the intended purpose. I hate Faith Quest (Sunday school) because it means getting three kids to three different classes all at the exact same time.

Sorry.

I just got home from church and am making all three kids play in the playroom in the basement right now. I need silence. Getting through two hours at church seriously does me in. I come home exhausted and frustrated and fed up.

And the funny part is that they were GOOD today! People complimented me on how well behaved they were. But it was because I didn’t pay one iota of attention to the service and was just ON them to stay calm+quiet. It is exhausting and sucks every ounce of joy right out of me.

I get home, like today, grumpy and hating my kids. When really they did nothing wrong except be kids during a very adult service.

I yearn to sit in church, ALONE, and actually learn something. I’d love time to catch up with my friends or introduce myself to new worshipers I don’t know. I’d love to open a hymnal and actually sing a song.

Ugh.

Every Sunday though it’s like the past is erased because most times I wake up excited to help out in Children’s Chapel and Bailey’s Faith Quest class. I’m excited to see our friends and hear the choirs sing and just BE at church. But by the end of the service it’s the same story. I’m DONE and ready to come home to hide under the covers.

Today I decided that maybe writing about it would help.

I’m trying desperately to change my attitude to one of gratitude. Maybe today it’s worse because this week was SO busy i’m just exhausted anyway. Maybe it’s the gloomy weather. Whatever it is I almost lost it today at church and so we skipped Faith Quest, headed straight to QT for a soda and are home with the kids banished to the basement. I need to sit in silence for a few more minutes, make lunch and hopefully my mood will change.

 

3 thoughts on “Why I hate church.

  1. I get it — totally! And if your own piece of the Internet isn’t safe to vent, then I know of no other.

    Your children will grow, learn, and behave differently (well, maybe 2 out of 3 of those). I have brothers in their 30′s that act like animals in Church, to the embarassment of their young daughters. It’s hard to see down the road sometimes, but the road ahead is always there.

  2. I can TOTALLY relate! My husband is the Pastor though so I’m not allowed to say that. (But I’m pretty sure no one from my church reads your blog). I just hate that when he comes home and asks “how do you think everything went”, “was the sermon okay”, etc all I can say is, “the little bit I heard sounded good” Wrestling three kids alone on Sundays is not my idea of worship…but it’s the place God gave me (and you) right now! Be encouraged that what you are doing DOES matter, and that God is so glad that you’ve wrestled the kids and told them to be quiet 500 times because you’re in HIS house worshipping HIM…whether by listening to the sermon or shushing kids.

  3. I Majored in Biblical Studies and theology and i will frankly admit that from a biblical view, a relationship with God is the point. To know God, Trust God, Believe God, Relay on God.What I just described is having Faith in God. That’s all Great, but the moment you allow the church to define all that to you, then we can have problems. Over the centuries there have been a lot on man made beliefs added to the church. Rules and stress. Put it simply, if going to church leaves you feeling tore down then uplifted. Well then, we already have that in the world. Ive seen churches act like showboats and entertainment systems, rather than church, just to keep folks coming. Bands, plays and everything but the Word of God. If its God’s house then it can become a social gathering rather then worship. God says to worship him in Spirit and in truth and today what Ive seen is Soul and fleshy. THe center of attention is never Jesus Christ, but Either some excited saint, or Gods man for the hour that we lift up. There are pastors who in trying to be so unique preach sermon that wreak of their own opinions and not Gods word. Ive attended services that I had a major disagreement with what the minister preached each Sunday. The so-called use of the gifts of the spirit is very much dis-used and completely out of context. Now not all the churches are this way, so i am not blasting Church in general, but some are really placing so much on their patrons that in a few years, they are gone. Ive literally ran into a man i once knew from a church i attended and he was drunk with booze when i ran into him. I could tell he was ashamed of his condition before me. I had no condemnation in my heart for him. He told me that he just could not live that life. It was impossible to him. The expectation placed upon him by the church was way too much for him to live up too. How sad. What he needed to know was that the only thing he needed to do was believe in Jesus Christ, which does not include being sold out to the church system. My salvation will never be credited to any church, but only to Jesus Christ. If the man i ran into knew this he would have had peace. The concept of Christianity is way off base and like a camera out of focus it see things out of perspective. I guess you can’t be saved unless you committed to a local assembly, involved in church activities and rasing funds. Always being made to feel like you don’t love Jesus unless your painting the sanctuary and running door to door with Tracts and Bibles. This is not so. For one to take care of their families and serve God is a great life and getting in tune with the Bible will offer you a greater insight into life then Church ever will. Ive learned more by prayer and study then ive ever learned in church. If our lives are to be guided by the spirit of God, then why is it that churches seek to have you do what they want instead of accepting what God is having you doing. Am i trying to have you rebell again the church. No, i am saying that when you study scripture you get a cleaer view of what God desires from you. Pray and ask God for guidance and tell him all that you feel inside and unload on him. He will hear you and listen.

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