Merry Christmas you guys! It’s been a while because for almost a week I didn’t even know where my laptop was! Days went by without me even opening it and it was EXACTLY what I needed. Today I got our tree down, the floors cleaned, furniture rearranged, new organizers bought, toys put away, bedrooms cleaned and our living room put back together. Around 6pm I hit a major wall and have been catching up on blogs/pinterest/FB/emails/etc ever since with a rousing game of Don’t Break the Ice in-between!

So now that I’m back online I have a ton of Christmas images to post which means I have just a few days to get them all done before the new year starts. Or maybe I’ll walk on the wild side and start 2012 by showing you our Halloween photos!

Anyway, to break it all down I wanted to start with my favorite gift I gave this year! I made this for my best friend Angie because her office had a huge blank wall. She’s the director of our preschool so it had to be child friendly but I also wanted it to be colorful and a tad inspirational… something she could look at each day and find new meaning. I’m not sure exactly how she feels about it but she got a little choked up when she opened it so I think she liked it!

Just in case my process isn’t obvious…. I bought a map and cut it out. This took two nights. The east coast is a bitch. And my map was printed on card stock to make it easier to trace but also make it a lot harder to cut. Once it was all cut out I traced each state three times (I had originally planned on making three of these for gifts but the first one took so long I quit! The other states are cut out and ready for gluing someday) and that took three nights. Tracing the east coast sucked too! Then there was the cutting. The cutting took forever and my hand became a claw after two hours so I had to divide this part up over a few nights as well. And then there was the gluing! Oh man! So I laid it all out and ended up starting with Florida. When I got to Texas I must have gotten just slightly crooked because if you look carefully up the middle the states are a little too big! HA! I had to remake some of them just to make it all work. Oh man you should have heard the cussing! Just look at North Dakota! Ugh! And then the words… that’s from one of my favorite songs (And Run by He is We)… “draw a map, find a path, take a breath and run. If you’ve never heard hat song you should listen to it… it’s amazing! Oh and it’s all glued to a canvas I found at Big Lots of all the random places. I had some from Hobby Lobby but they weren’t quite the right size and this one ended up being perfect!

So this took forever to make and ended up completely less than perfect but I am in love. SO in love I bought a huge map and I’m going to do this on the wall of our basement playroom! One day. Right now I’m kind of over map cutting/tracing/cutting!

Did you make any fun gifts this year?

1. Working with Kim. I love having her as my sounding board and friend. She’s awesome.

2. Having my brother-in-law come over today and for very little money finish painting our bathroom. Thanks Jack!

3. Getting to sit with some of my dearest friends at church tonight while the kids had choir rehearsal and chat. We crafted a little too which just added to the awesomeness. I drove away feeling so much lighter.

4. Sitting with C on the couch with my feet in his lap. He rubbed them while I worked and it was magical.

5. Being awake from 3am-5am last night (which sucked) but reading THIS POST and having a major AH HA Oprah moment. Sara’s blog is my absolute favorite over any other out there so go read it. Seriously. Especially if you’re a gift giver.

6. THIS post just made me laugh so hard I had tears running down my face.

7. Getting an inquiry for boudoir, hours after lamenting the fact that not one person had shown interest yet.

8. Having a good+surprising order come through today which just solidified that our new pricing IS ok and to stick to my guns.

9. Remembering to move Elfkin. Setting my phone alarm is genius.

10. Getting 300 KCCI Christmas cards stuffed/labeled/stamped and IN a mailbox. Now I just have Fresh Art left and I’m done with all 500 cards I had to mail this year!

11. All the sweet comments and emails. Sometimes I just need to write a bunch of crap down and it somehow allows me to let it go a little. Dumping that last night and breaking the perfect mommy image I’m sure all of you have of me (HA!) just felt good. Thanks for all the ideas and support. I might not respond personally but just know those comments coming through today truly made me feel better.

Did you know we’re under two weeks until Christmas? We have two Christmas countdown things and everyday Bailey reminds me just how little time I have to get a whole lot of shit done. This morning I sort of yelled at her and told her I didn’t need to be reminded! I immediately apologized of course.

I think it is a combination of complete lack of sleep for the last 6+ weeks and an insane amount of soda, no water and possibly an overdose of vitamins as I try to combat the crap I normally put in my body that’s put me in a crabby mood. The mood comes and goes though.

Taking over Fresh Art is finally and really starting to sink in. It has me up late at night stressing out. Which does not help the few hours I actually get myself in bed. Terrified doesn’t even begin to describe it. It’s not helping that no one is booking right now.

Oh Christmas. December started off so strong. Our house is decorated, our tree is beautiful, our lighting scheme is working and almost every gift is purchased. Oh and our Christmas cards are all out. I should feel ahead of the curve. But I don’t. I feel like I’m drowning in needing to wrap gifts and class parties and Fresh Art cards needing to be addressed and teacher gifts to deliver. Every single year I’m up until 3-4am on Christmas Eve finishing my wrapping and I’m so scared that will happen again I’m working my ass off right now. And yet every night I crawl into bed wishing for just a few more hours in the day.

Back to Fresh Art. My to do list is what’s keeping me up. Oh my gosh you guys. Re-inventing pricing and packaging and ordering and web presence takes freaking forever. Finishing up orders so clients have them for Christmas. Seriously, I have to stop writing because it’s giving me a migraine.

Money is hard too. I mean, it’s ok right now, but the slow winter months freak me out and now we have a mortgage to pay. I need people to start booking. And fast.

If I could stop working for one week and just tackle my to do list I think I would get it all done. As if that is going to happen. I’m just so tired of tackling it all from 8pm-1am I could scream. Give me 9am-8pm three days in a row and I’d feel SO much better.

Our Elf on the Shelf, Elfkin, is driving me insane too. I can’t tell you how many nights I’m drifting off to sleep and OH SHIT FUCK SHIT I FORGOT TO MOVE THE DAMN ELF! Sorry. But that’s seriously what goes through my mind as I haul my butt out of bed to go get creative throw him in the first place I find. Twice already I’ve forgotten him and you should see my kid’s faces. It’s like I just told them Santa isn’t real. Does this little tradition stress anyone else out?

Oh and I’ve sucked up our Advent calendar completely too. I had all these grand plans and big lists of kindnesses to do for other people. We’ve done about four together and everyday I forget I try to do just something myself to make up for it. The sweetest thing we did was buy, wrap and deliver earrings to the woman that sells me my soda every morning at QT. She wears big dangly earrings everyday and the kids love her so we surprised her the other day. Her face totally made up for all the times I’ve just forgotten.

I didn’t budget this year at all and while I wouldn’t say we’ve gone overboard on the kids, it’s all the other outlying people that feel like they’re costing an arm and a leg… but I keep thinking of someone I forgot. My love language is gift giving and this season is really hard for me and our bank account.

The kids made their Santa list a couple of weeks ago and Bailey specifically asked for no toys. Seriously? She’s 6. She wants a new bike and jeans and books. How can she be growing up so fast?

Ok. It felt good to vent I guess. At least some day when my girls are moms and feeling stressed around Christmas I can show them this and encourage them to simplify the hell out of everything!

SO I had an epiphany of sorts today concerning one very grumpy, angry and overall nightmare three year old I know.

Do you see this face?

He’s perfected that face don’t you think?

Well, we’re seeing it more and more. And it usually comes with a big scream or hit or even a bite he delivered for the first time ever recently to poor Parker. Overall he has just become this awful kid who I’m constantly embarrassed by.

But do you see this face?

Sweet sweet kid. Loving and funny and active and smart.

That’s the kid I miss on days like today when all I got was the beast.

BUT.

The epiphany came as I was driving away from his preschool where I left him SCREAMING and KICKING his teacher.

It’s all about attention. I think.

When Bailey was three years old she had a one and a half year old sister and a newborn brother. I was so concerned about her feeling forgotten I made sure to pour attention on her. As Parker got a bit older I was constantly worried she’d end up being the forgotten middle child so I poured love on her. Grayson has been so easy and go with the flow I realized today he’s been nearly forgotten. By me at least.

This morning he came into my bedroom while I was getting dressed and leaned on my leg asking to cuddle with me. I was running late so I brushed him off and told him to go get dressed. Because I fully expect my three year old to go pick out his clothes, take off his jammies and get dressed alone. When that wasn’t happening and my yelling wasn’t making a dent I asked his sisters to get him dressed while I made three lunches and breakfast. It ended in him getting a spanking for not listening to anyone.

And it just got worse as the morning went on.

But the more I thought about it the more insane my expectations of him are. Which is funny b/c when Bailey was his age, as the oldest, I had a house full of babies so she got treated like a baby OR like she should have been for a young three year old. Sippy cups and cuddles and book reading and playing on the floor made up our days. Now carpool and homework and errands and work fill so much of our days I can’t tell you the last time I sat on the floor and just played. Which is ok for the girls b/c we sit and color together or read and we have our time together. But Gray doesn’t do any of that. He plays. He gets dragged along to all of the “big kid” stuff we do and we’re sort of forcing the toddler/preschooler right out of him.

Ugh.

This hit me hard today as I thought back on all the times he’s really acted out vs. the good attention I give him. He’s pushing my buttons b/c he knows he’ll get a rise out of me and get attention, albeit BAD attention. And it made me really sad.

The silver-lining is that he IS only three and it’s not too late to change. Me and him. We’re going to have to work together at this. And it’s going to start by some undivided Bubba-Mommy time!

When I was a kid we had an artificial tree. At least that’s how I remember it. And I hated decorating the tree. The branches were scratchy and hurt my hands, it took forever to get all the ornaments up and most (at the time) I thought were tacky. When we were in high school my mom bought my sister and I our own box to store ornaments and she started buying us one+ every year… I thought it was silly and don’t remember caring much about it at the time.

The second I got married my view of Christmas trees changed. Suddenly that red/green box from my mom is the first one that comes up on decorating day. Now I look forward to buying our tree, decorating and enjoying it more than most everything else. Every ornament tells a story. There are ones from my parents as they started my collection, some from friends back in college, some we got as wedding gifts, the kid’s baby ornaments and the ones we add each year for our family.

Last year we had kind of a disaster of a tree (you have to click on that link b/c it’s the funniest story you’ll ever read!) and it wasn’t at our own house so it all just felt off. The year before we couldn’t afford a live tree and used my parents old artificial one (we used that one for years). This year we splurged and bought the most beautiful tree we could find that would fit in our house! It almost tops cutting our tree down our first year of marriage in Spokane (which is one of the coolest things we’ve ever done).

I love that we’re finally in our own home and secure enough to really and truly start making Christmas traditions! We went to Ted Drewes where the Allen’s have always gotten their trees from (except the year we were engaged and didn’t get home until just days before Christmas… when we went to Ted Drewes the only trees left were expensive and Bill said no… so we ended up dumpster diving at a local church for a tree that the tree lot had discarded. I kid you not I almost wet my pants when my future-father-in-law jumped in this dumpster to pick a tree!) and where we got ours last year too. It was the perfect night. Full of decent weather, frozen custard and our husband-wife argument over which side of the lot we were shopping from… the good side or the cheap side!

Guess who won!

That’s the first one I wanted… a true Charlie Brown tree! I thought I would have been able to make it super cute!

See Chris holding the more scrawny one but pointing to the other one? I wanted a slightly bigger Charlie Brown tree but they kept going back to that one they’re pointing to. That’s when i said if he was willing to spend $50 on the kind of tree I don’t like then we could spend a little more… and that’s when I crossed to the non-cheap side of the lot!

Grayson was with us the little turd, he just refused to be in any photos! Why are three year old kids such turds?

THERE SHE IS!

Now pretend like you don’t see how ragged her bottom is… it’s mostly b/c after we tied her to the car (ourselves since we had such awesome luck with an employee tying our tree on last year) we still didn’t trust ourselves so we opened the sunroof and held on to the branches the whole way home! HA! Basically like holding onto a mattress! A few branches broke off but we figure the bottom will be covered with gifts soon enough! AND I’ve fixed that blank spot towards the bottom AND fixed the beads so they’re more even… tweaking it daily!

Things that make me happy?

It stayed on the car this year.

The kids and I surprised Chris by decorating it while he was at school and he was thrilled!

The fact that not only did the kids ALL get into decorating it this year, they LOVED hearing the stories behind each and every ornament. They would each hold one up and I’d have to tell them all about it! My heart was about to burst!

I’m not sure what kind of tree this is but the branches are almost soft… SO much nicer to decorate than our old scratchy artificial tree!

The fact that no ornaments broke this year.

That we had to actually remove furniture to make it fit b/c our house is so small. But NOT CARING ONE BIT because it’s OUR house and we love it!

Being surrounded by those memories every single day. I love walking over and looking at each year’s photo ornament to see my babies.

Yep, I kind of am in love with our tree.

And this whole season. I think our little family of five is actually bursting with Christmas spirit this year!

Chris takes his Christmas lights VERY seriously. He calls it his “lighting scheme” and every year it’s a battle over how over the top I’ll let him go. This year in our new house he really had some GOOD ideas. Um yeah. For example his favorite idea and the one he argued for pretty hard was to have a waterfall of blue lights going down the roof and “pooling” in our yard where deer would be drinking. Can you picture it? Then after I explained how expensive those deer are (b/c just saying HELL NO didn’t work) he moved onto wanting a candy cane house, all red and white. As in one red bush one white bush and so on. Ugh.

After days and days of talking about it we finally came to a compromise. And he got right to work!

Look at my manly man! Aren’t you so jealous?

He started on our insanely steep roof. And on day one it was nice and sunny and warm. Day two was rainy and cold. I was actually really worried about his slipping but he had everything he needed in his backpack and was determined to make it work.

His idea (and the compromise) was to take three red strands and three white strands and interchange them. So our lights are red/white/red/white. Candy cane. It took him forever. Totally patience I don’t have.

Then I did the bushes, he added Santa to the chimney (it’s an antique one that’s a little too small but totally a part of our family) and then did the star. He made me that star a few years ago when we had no money to spend on gifts. He raided my dad’s shop and with his help cut this metal star out of scraps and edged it in wood. Forever it will be in our home somewhere because he worked SO hard on it. Anyway, he stapled lights all around the edge and it’s the cherry on top!

Our house is so tiny. 974sq ft. And we laugh that outlining the roof sort of eccentuates that fact. But truly, we love it. It looks happy and cheery and warm and inviting. Which it is.

Tomorrow I’ll show you the tree!

Happy December first!