I’ve been editing boudoir sessions like mad so the awesome women that came have time to make Valentine goodies for their husbands but it is a little disheartening to be drinking soda and eating junk while I edit these beautiful women. Really, it’s just depressing.
I need to start running again.
And if we had an extra $250 I am dying to join the Webster Rec. I keep telling myself if I had a WARM place to go workout I actually would.
It came up today that I should write something in Gray’s baby book and well, he doesn’t have one. So instead I’ll write it here. About a year ago he used to call himself a “beater-man”. It meant that he could/would beat anyone else he was racing against (in his head or real life). So he’s be running and call out, “I beat you! I’m a BEATERMAN!” or “Wow Mommy! You fast! You a beaterman!” But Chris could never understand him and would always say, “A Bee-lemon?” And then Gray would say, “no, a beaterman” and I would correct Chris with the right word but it became a joke. So Gray talked endlessly about being a beaterman and Chris talked endlessly about being a Be-lemon. Of course the B-lemon stuck so now Gray will say “We’re driving fast Mommy! We’re the B-lemons!” which cracks me up because it makes absolutely no sense to anyone but us which ends up making me laugh even harder.
I’m seeing more and more that Bailey is VERY black and white. It’s either right or wrong. There is no gray for her. Which is so great because she totally gets it but at the same time I worry that she’ll be a control freak afraid to make mistakes (kind of like ME). I want her to be “good” and all that but I also want her to be adventurous and brave and not afraid to live BIG even if it means she’ll fall hard. Do you think she’s too young have a conversation about this? Is it too early to start talking to her about all the things I desire for her? I want her to have the best of us and what I see right now is a desire to always be good (which makes for very easy parenting most of the time!) which means that someday her fear of being “bad” or getting in trouble will surface and that can be crippling. As a kid and even now I was always terrified of getting in trouble that it kept me from doing a lot of fun things.
I’m desperate for a work space at my house. At my parent’s house where I work all week I have an awesome desk and file cabinet and room to organize/work/spread out projects. At home I have the only table we have to eat at or the couch. The table is uncomfortable and just not ideal. The couch is too comfortable and causes me to get tired faster at night. Plus organizing Fresh Art and school papers and personal bills and business bills and other paper that comes in this house is HARD. I need an office.
I’m back on caffeine so hard right now it’s bad. I KNOW it’s bad. I know the ingredients and what it can do to my weight and my body. But how else do I get through the busy weeks? And HOW am I so busy during my slow time?
I was at one of my dad’s client’s homes today and she’s retired plus lives alone. This is going to sound terrible but I actually dream of that. I dream about all that I could do if I had total alone time. I don’t think that means I want to get rid of my family but I do think it means I need a week by myself somewhere to just BE. Does any other mom ever feel this way?
The funny part of feeling this way is that on the flip side is this ache to be with my kids more. They are SO FUN right now. I would give anything to be a stay at home mom with them. Instead I work two jobs. It just sucks sometimes you know?