About a week ago I decided enough was enough. I WILL LEARN TO COOK. Not all fancy schmancy or anything, but my family eats way too much take-out or order-in because I’m overwhelmed and exhausted most days. But I don’t have babies anymore and the exhausted excuse doesn’t stand up as tall as it used to. Frankly, all of my excuses are shrinking back into the corner a bit. It is time.
So we took our first trip to Trader Joes, my new found love affair, and I bought some things I’ve not only never cooked but never even eaten myself. Things like mushrooms and avocados and eggplant. The mushrooms were a huge hit! I sauteed them (HELL YEAH I know what SAUTEE means now!) with some butter, crushed garlic and marsala wine, tossed in some cooked chicken and threw it all over Rice a Roni (HELL YEAH Rice a Roni is a fancy food at our house!). Even Chris, who was home for dinner that night, loved it. WIN!
The avocado was not such a huge hit but I have one more and will try again. That left the eggplant. Which I decided I would cook for tonight since OH wonder of wonders, Chris will be home early!
So I call my mom at 7am to see if she has a good idea for what in the heck I can do with an eggplant and she casually mentions eggplant Parmesan. AWESOME. Chris loves that! I CAN DO IT.
I take a shower, make breakfast, get the kids dressed, straighten the house, make a to do list and head out for the day. My entire being was radiating with the fact that I AM MAKING EGGPLANT PARMESAN FOR MY FAMILY TONIGHT! I felt like I just looked like a better mom! Like there was a visible change in my entire being b/c I was making something FANCY! AND EXOTIC! AND HEALTHY!
So Gray and I drop the kids off at preschool and head first to the car wash. I could give a rats ass (you will see later why I feel the need to cuss so much today. Bear with me.) about the way the outside of our car looks, but the inside has not been vacuumed since I sucked all the sand out from Florida in AUGUST. It was a bio-hazard. AND I had found an old gift card to the car wash. DOUBLE WIN!
We get there, I tell the guy to just vacuum the hell out of it and we go in to wait.
FOR AN HOUR.
I won’t even go into what it takes to keep a 19 month old happy in a waiting room for an entire hour.
I see the guys putting the car seats back in and I head out to get Gray buckled in, pay the crazy tip I felt they deserved and head on our way. Of course when we get out there the manager who comes to inspect the car decides it’s not quite done. With Grayson already buckled in. In 20 degree temps. With all the doors open. So they finish up, I hand over the wad of cash ($5. We’re poor. Sorry guys!) and start the car.
I’m sorry.
ATTEMPT to start my VERY DEAD CAR.
They jump me and we get on the road to the grocery store. So I can buy the ingredients for eggplant parm. Yes. I’m cool. And I call it PARM.
We get through shopping, Gray is now beside himself from being trapped for so many hours and I’m handing him anything I can think of to keep the tantrum at bay. On our way out the door I’m stating to feel the POWER OF THE PARM again and am skipping to the car. I CAN DO THIS! I’m going to make a ROCKIN’ dinner for my family!
I’m loading the car when I get a call from my mom telling me my sister’s family is getting in town early and they’d all love to eat with us.
WTF?
My PARM POWER slowly drained away as I realized I had to now cook for two of the best cooks I know. CRAP.
But what I said was “GREAT!”
So I’m loading the car trying to harness the POWER OF THE PARM again when I go to start my VERY DEAD CAR.
You have got to be kidding me.
A sweet man offered to jump me and a now screaming Gray and I hit the road to go pick up the girls. Bubba cried himself to sleep in the car, which was great, I ran in to get the girls (YES. I left him in the car. Call the police.) and we were on our way home. The girls were singing in the backseat, Gray was sound asleep and QUIET and I felt my confidence coming back. I sat there the whole way home just telling myself I CAN DO THIS! And if I can’t, Imo’s is a call away!
So we get home and I decide to back in the driveway just in case the car dies again it will make it easier for someone to help me. I pull in, turn around and go to move forward a bit when I realize the car is totally stuck in the snow. Tires spinning, try a million times, STUCK.
Unload the kids, wake up a MAD Gman, dump them all inside, leave Gray screaming at the door, run back to get the groceries and SLIP AND FALL. I end up laying on my back staring at the sky.
And that’s when I just yelled, at the absolute top of my lungs, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Sorry.
I laid there for a second contemplating just staying there but instead I got up, called Imo’s from my cell and ordered a soda. I’m sorry, I ordered THREE sodas.
They just arrived, the kids are all in bed, the house is vacuumed, groceries put away and I’m sitting. Trying my hardest to capture the POWER back. But truthfully, I just feel really f-ing defeated. And tired. Which is why I have 96oz of Mnt Dew waiting for me. Oh, and my head hurts from where I fell.
BUT I AM MAKING EGGPLANT PARMESAN in a few hours and I WILL ROCK IT!
Or I’ll let you know how many pizza’s it takes to feed six adults and four kids.
you can do it!!!
harness the power (and take some ibuprofen…)
can’t wait to see how it goes… maybe i’ll tackle it someday…..
This story is hilarious! Hey, at least you tried! A tip for the avocado: throw it into a smoothie for your kids in the a.m. or as a snack – add banana, milk, frozen fruit, maybe even some frozen spinach and almonds. They’ll love avocados after that! (It helps if you serve with fun straws)
Hilarious. And might I suggest the delicious Avacodo’s Number Guacamole from Trader Joe’s. It is fantastic stuff.
YOU CAN DO IT!
You are hysterical!!! Good luck with your dinner — I know it will be fabulous!! You need to collect easy go to recipes from all your blog readers.
Jodie-I am LMAO!!! Thanks for this post! I needed to laugh today 🙂
oh man. rough morning. rough enough for one solid, much needed F bomb. I love it. I think we’ve all had days comparable to this. Where you just want to stay on the ground, looking at the sky, hoping that if you don’t move maybe you’ll just become one with the sidewalk. Oh you just made my morning. You WILL rock that PARM! 🙂
Three things:
1. I think we have ability and confidence levels in the kitchen, so would you mind passing on your eggplant parm recipe to me?
2. Thank your lucky stars that Grayson isn’t petrified of the vacuum like my son, who is WAY too old to be scared of the vacuum, because if he was in his car seat and someone came in with the vacuum, he would have cried until he puked and then you would have been back at square one.
3. YOU’VE NEVER EATEN AVOCADO????? They are one of my top three favorite foods!
Oh my god, Jodie, I am laughing so hard right now. Not because of the car or the fussy baby or the fall…but because of the Imo’s speed dial and three Mountain Dews. Blah-ha-ha-ha!!!!! You can do this–I can’t wait to hear about dinner!!!
Oh Jodie…that is one crazy day. I’m sure you’re going to rock the parm though!
BTW…I tagged you on my blog today: http://jilljarvis.com/?p=825
LOL!…..I don’t mean to laugh at your expense, but man, oh, man…your mornings sound a lot like mine (minus one child and the fact that I have not found the power to cook anything)!
Good luck with Eggplant Parm!!
Jodi–I love your blog (and your photos) and don’t comment as much as I should…but today I had to! Thanks for sharing your horrible no good very bad day. Maybe since it all happened in one day, tomorrow will be extra fabulous! Enjoy dinner with your family, no matter what you eat.
Oh my gosh Jodie. That was hysterical!!!!!!!!!! I am laughing with you though girl, because I am certain you are smiling about your day now (at least I hope so). I totally hope you ROCKED IT!!!!! 🙂
I think you deserve a shot of something in your Mountain Dew! Good gravy…what a day you have had and it isn’t even over yet!
I just LOL’d for reals!! Sorry you had a crappy day- hope your PARM turns out fabulous! I’m sure it will be great. Aaand, now I’m hungry.
Sounds like a rough morning. Just in case you like the eggplant parm and decide you to not like how long it takes to bread the eggplant, Trader Joes sells it in the freezer aisle. It is as simple as putting it in a baking dish, adding some sauce and lots of cheese and done in 15 minutes. Gotta love Trader Joe’s!
Holy F@##!!!!! Look at the bright side, you got a clean car, 3 sodas, the kids napped, and you get to see your sister. The day sucked, but the evening will rock!!!! I love visiting your blog!!! Have a great dinner!
Oh Jodie, good luck! I actually think eggplant parm is a harder thing to make! So I’m hoping you have a great experience and a good recipe. Otherwise, don’t be discouraged.
Trader Joe’s is the BEST! Actually, the best part of it is once you learn your way around they have great shortcuts for cooking! As in, you can buy fire roasted frozen peppers and onions, and look like a rockstar when you make simple eggs for dinner because you can defrost them and throw them in! Or buy the frozen breaded eggplant cutlets and cheat and use those for an easy baked eggplant parm (all you have to do is layer them wiht sauce and cheese!).
I like to cook, but I find I do a lot more “assembling” of dinners.
Love hearing about your day and laughing all the way (with you of course!) I miss hearing more about your daily struggles with three kids, I can totally relate!
So glad I’m not the only one who screams FUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!
So, how did it go? I’ve never tried Parm. I’m impressed. ; )
Jodie, I LOVE this post because your whole personality comes across so perfectly in it! You are hilarious, you are positive, you are expressive, and you are the one who does the ass-kicking. Not the snow, not Wednesday, not the car, not even the parm.
MAKE THAT PARM CALL YOU DADDY.
xoxo
…..and Jen has it right..again!
I’m dying to know how the parm was. Hope it was delish.
How was it? I hope it was a HUGE success!
Oh, Jodie. You are so funny! It’s so funny because we can all relate to it all! I hope your Parm was/is absolutely perfect! YOU CAN DO IT!
Oh, Jodie I’ve having the exact same kind of week. Although I’m not even bothering to cook dinner this week…
Hang in there! You have your Dew and I have my coffee!