About a week ago I decided enough was enough. I WILL LEARN TO COOK. Not all fancy schmancy or anything, but my family eats way too much take-out or order-in because I’m overwhelmed and exhausted most days. But I don’t have babies anymore and the exhausted excuse doesn’t stand up as tall as it used to. Frankly, all of my excuses are shrinking back into the corner a bit. It is time.

So we took our first trip to Trader Joes, my new found love affair, and I bought some things I’ve not only never cooked but never even eaten myself. Things like mushrooms and avocados and eggplant. The mushrooms were a huge hit! I sauteed them (HELL YEAH I know what SAUTEE means now!) with some butter, crushed garlic and marsala wine, tossed in some cooked chicken and threw it all over Rice a Roni (HELL YEAH Rice a Roni is a fancy food at our house!). Even Chris, who was home for dinner that night, loved it. WIN!

The avocado was not such a huge hit but I have one more and will try again. That left the eggplant. Which I decided I would cook for tonight since OH wonder of wonders, Chris will be home early!

So I call my mom at 7am to see if she has a good idea for what in the heck I can do with an eggplant and she casually mentions eggplant Parmesan. AWESOME. Chris loves that! I CAN DO IT.

I take a shower, make breakfast, get the kids dressed, straighten the house, make a to do list and head out for the day. My entire being was radiating with the fact that I AM MAKING EGGPLANT PARMESAN FOR MY FAMILY TONIGHT! I felt like I just looked like a better mom! Like there was a visible change in my entire being b/c I was making something FANCY! AND EXOTIC! AND HEALTHY!

So Gray and I drop the kids off at preschool and head first to the car wash. I could give a rats ass (you will see later why I feel the need to cuss so much today. Bear with me.) about the way the outside of our car looks, but the inside has not been vacuumed since I sucked all the sand out from Florida in AUGUST. It was a bio-hazard. AND I had found an old gift card to the car wash. DOUBLE WIN!

We get there, I tell the guy to just vacuum the hell out of it and we go in to wait.


I won’t even go into what it takes to keep a 19 month old happy in a waiting room for an entire hour.

I see the guys putting the car seats back in and I head out to get Gray buckled in, pay the crazy tip I felt they deserved and head on our way. Of course when we get out there the manager who comes to inspect the car decides it’s not quite done. With Grayson already buckled in. In 20 degree temps. With all the doors open. So they finish up, I hand over the wad of cash ($5. We’re poor. Sorry guys!) and start the car.

I’m sorry.


They jump me and we get on the road to the grocery store. So I can buy the ingredients for eggplant parm. Yes. I’m cool. And I call it PARM.

We get through shopping, Gray is now beside himself from being trapped for so many hours and I’m handing him anything I can think of to keep the tantrum at bay. On our way out the door I’m stating to feel the POWER OF THE PARM again and am skipping to the car. I CAN DO THIS! I’m going to make a ROCKIN’ dinner for my family!

I’m loading the car when I get a call from my mom telling me my sister’s family is getting in town early and they’d all love to eat with us.


My PARM POWER slowly drained away as I realized I had to now cook for two of the best cooks I know. CRAP.

But what I said was “GREAT!”

So I’m loading the car trying to harness the POWER OF THE PARM again when I go to start my VERY DEAD CAR.

You have got to be kidding me.

A sweet man offered to jump me and a now screaming Gray and I hit the road to go pick up the girls. Bubba cried himself to sleep in the car, which was great, I ran in to get the girls (YES. I left him in the car. Call the police.) and we were on our way home. The girls were singing in the backseat, Gray was sound asleep and QUIET and I felt my confidence coming back. I sat there the whole way home just telling myself I CAN DO THIS! And if I can’t, Imo’s is a call away!

So we get home and I decide to back in the driveway just in case the car dies again it will make it easier for someone to help me. I pull in, turn around and go to move forward a bit when I realize the car is totally stuck in the snow. Tires spinning, try a million times, STUCK.

Unload the kids, wake up a MAD Gman, dump them all inside, leave Gray screaming at the door, run back to get the groceries and SLIP AND FALL. I end up laying on my back staring at the sky.

And that’s when I just yelled, at the absolute top of my lungs, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!


I laid there for a second contemplating just staying there but instead I got up, called Imo’s from my cell and ordered a soda. I’m sorry, I ordered THREE sodas.

They just arrived, the kids are all in bed, the house is vacuumed, groceries put away and I’m sitting. Trying my hardest to capture the POWER back. But truthfully, I just feel really f-ing defeated. And tired. Which is why I have 96oz of Mnt Dew waiting for me. Oh, and my head hurts from where I fell.


Or I’ll let you know how many pizza’s it takes to feed six adults and four kids.