Parker Jane.

My middle child. The one that came between two others in under three years. The baby that never had Mommy to herself for even one tiny second. She’s the one that makes my Mommy guilt fly high.

She has been having a really rough transition into Kindergarten. She’s on day eight of school and has asked every day if she can stay home and skip. She’s devastated when I keep saying no.

When I walk her into her classroom each morning it’s like sliding an octopus off of me when it’s time for me to go. I literally have to peel her away and then run. It’s hard for her and heart breaking for me.

Then yesterday afternoon I chatted with her (amazing) teacher and found out she’s having some attention issues at school too. She’s having a hard time sitting still on the rug during circle time, gets distracted easily when the teacher is explaining an activity or lesson, doesn’t make great eye contact, etc. ALL of that doesn’t totally surprise me but it still made me kind of sad to hear. I’ve never had a teacher tell me one of my kids is having trouble so it was new for me, and hard as her momma.

I think there are probably a great number of things going on that can explain it all. And Chris and I have been aware for a while that we will end up needing to work with her more than Bailey on certain things so it wasn’t this shocking thing I was told. And in the end it’s an attention problem. She’s not doing it maliciously, she’s not being bad and in fact she’s already shown her teacher how kind and empathetic she can be by helping other kids that are having rough days. She has a very sweet little spirit and for that I am so incredibly proud.

So even though it’s the second week of school and I’m guessing a lot of this will go away with time, work on our part and maturity, it still makes me sad that when I leave her she might not be having the best time. Which makes me sit here at my desk wishing I could go scoop her up and take her to the park instead!

I was telling all of this to my best friend Angie this morning, who lets me vent no matter what and always has the best advice for me. She can always calm me down and help me see things in a new light. She truly is very wise. I was feeling better when she had to get off the phone to ask an employee at Lowe’s something and even though I could have talked forever I was so grateful I got to chat with her this morning.

Then she called right back and said that she’d been thinking about something for a while and was waiting for the right time to tell me and that even though she was standing in the middle of Lowe’s she felt like this was the time. And then she asked if she could be Parker’s stand-in God-mother.

And that’s when all the tears I haven’t cried over Parker came flooding out. Because when we chose Parker’s God-mother I thought we had picked the best person, but that person isn’t in our lives anymore (by her choice, not ours) and it makes me so incredibly sad that Parker misses out on having an amazing God-mother like Bailey (my sister) and Grayson (C’s cousin, Shayne). Abbie and Shayne go out of their way to make Bailey and Gray feel special and loved. Parker is missing that in a big way.

For Angie to offer her love to my baby girl just broke my heart in the best way possible. And answered this massive prayer I didn’t even realize I was praying until the words, “Thank you Lord” slipped out of my mouth as we hung up.

I left school this morning praying that God would find a way to be with Parker and He gave her Angie. I’m sobbing just writing this. How my kids are so blessed to have so many amazing adults in their lives that love them so much I don’t know. But I know it’s His doing.

Thank you, Ang, for filling this huge void in her life. Thank you for offering this without me ever even asking. Thanks for loving my kids as your own. I’ve always known I was blessed to have you in my life but never have I felt that so much as I do today.

Parker and Angie | May 2011